When you think you have it all figured out, then it happens... you find yourself thinking: what on earth am I doing this for? and no surprise but you do not have a quick answer or at least a hint of what would be an honest response. Today is one of those days, I just woke up with no desire whatsoever of going to school (yes, I am still in school whether that is a good decision or not, is going to be discussed elsewhere), but somehow I ended up getting ready and arrived at the lab prepared to work and with a slight desire to hit the gym (the rock wall at the gym actually). By the end of the day I found myself not going to the gym and with over too many concerns about life. I am just here living by myself, so far away from people I love and for what reason? The proper answer to the question would be grad school, right?... right?
After asking myself this question again, the answer does not seem so straightforward, or probably I am not too focused to answer such a deep question (at least what it seems to be a deep question). I am here because I want to get a PhD, but at the same time I have found myself distracted from doing an extra effort to do it in an outstanding way. In other words, sometimes I just do not know if I want this with enough passion, or it is just that my drive is fading away between my current thoughts and feelings in the short term.
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