Reasons why I love my dog

I've just come to the realization that my posts, though unfrequent, feed off my procrastination. In this case, I couldn't help but stop what I was doing (which wasn't hard at all, as I'm a professional procrastinator) to look at Roquefort (my pom aka "best friend/love of my life", pretty much sharing the title with my hubby). Long story short, Roque is just napping on the floor right next to the desk where I'm doing my work today and just looking at him makes my heart explode with love. As if I needed to explain this adoration I feel for him, I had to write this little note dedicated to him, so here's a quick list of reasons,

• He is loyal AF!!! I mean it, he never goes too far away from me* and being this clingy/needy person that I am, that means a lot
• He has the cutest face foxy like, I'm serious he's a good looking dog
• He is a good napper, if you want to cuddle, he's your guy!
• He loves comfort, always after: a good pillow, human bed >>> doggie bed, upgraded treats (none of those dry cheap ones, he'll refuse), he's a professional lounger
• He looks at me with his beautiful brown eyes as if he was waiting for something or as if he understood whenever I talk to him (yes I do talk to him, and yes sometimes like baby talk)
• He will always make me feel better when I'm sad, sick, under the weather, he will always try

Bottom line: he is the best!

*except for a very good reason: steak, delicious human food-he should not be eating, a weird noise that makes him turn into Cujo, and maybe a squirrel.

My war against the lint roller

I hereby declare my defeat on the lint roller war. Just like that, I have two dogs so I will always have fur going around. This defeat can be easily adopted to other situations in my life. And by defeat, I do not mean I will give up on anything, no, this defeat is more like an abandonment, I will stop fighting. I came to learn, as arrogant as this may be, that whether you challenge or just embrace the negative side of things, every one of us needs to find what suits best to confront things in life. Going back to lint roller use, this means for me not being obsessed with every fur on my clothes and certainly WILL NEVER GIVE MY DOGS AWAY, no. Loosing the war with the lint roller use just means to vacuum whenever and leave it be if not necessary. 

Interestingly enough, the original name I had for this post was "Deep life lessons learned at the most unexpected place" and I wanted to write about many ups and downs (lessons) I've had so far living in such a "celebrity loaded" city (which, if I may, some people may say it's a materialistic capital). Somehow my attention was deviated from such a cheesy title and got caught with just a domestic issue. And it is so, domestic issues as well as "dazzling/superficial" experiences can be transformed into deep life lessons. Therefore, I declared defeat on many wars I thought I had to fight (I have slowly done so over the last couple years but I never acknowledged I was doing it). Bottom line, I decided I'm not interested about fighting wars with guilt,  self-judgment, the perception other people have about me... aren't most of these things just on my head? Well, there's that.

We are all "that girl" or the prevalence of similar problems among females

One of the things that make me cringe a bit is the fact that I will never be a serious writer, or well, a memoirist or a novelist. Whenever I come back to my dusty old blog and revisit some of the stories that have been left in the backburner, all I can think of is, why did I leave it for so long? The answer to this question is that I somehow relegate or simply prioritize other things before writing [a big proof of that is the one full year it took me to publish my master's research article]. The willingness to write again came to me just a few days ago, when I finished reading Lena Durham's "Not that kind of girl" and besides the obvious - identifying myself with the bunch of "very prevalent" health issues, such as endometriosis and therapy - I was dying of envy because this chick is in her twenties and she has written, directed and furthermore, made herself famous publishing something that I feel so familiar with. Not only she has done it in a way that I consider as somehow intellectual, but damn! She has good memory and attention to details! I could never remember with such a careful detail those incidents from my childhood, teen years, etc that have brought me to where I am today, neither I would have all the myriad of fancy words to describe them (not even in Spanish, dear friends). And above all, how would I be able to organize my chapters? [if I were to write a semi-memoir/girly novel].

The one thing I remember very well is that once, I dreamed about writing, and I do have a love of books, nevertheless, whenever people ask me about my favorites and what kind of books have influenced me, I just put this ? on my face. I know [just like Lena], I started asking my dad for very weird things since I was a child. I know that he would treat me like a little adult [except for love/relationships/boys matters], fuck! I just remembered (thanks to a bus poster) that I read King Lear when I was like 12! Yeah, just after reading the diary of Anne Frank, and all because it was sitting there in my house and I was looking for something to read. Not only that, but I remember myself telling my dad that it reminded me a bit of his side of the family (tough I know). Anyways, books have been a part of me and I've been a part of my books. I even used to come up with my own dialogues, stories among characters I would invent for my drawings [and no, I don't remember exactly what that would be about], a blurry memory is that, sometimes I would talk to myself. One time, my dad told me I could be a writer and I was ecstatic :D

Now, I realize that just like Lena, I tend to be self involved and always turn things into my own story but maybe most of us do. And by most, I am not referring to women only, to those girls who were not the popular ones in school, I am talking about these very prevalent issues that one can be identified with because, well just because they are there and they are part of our lives.

Just like this post, I have ideas, how I could expand my anecdotes into post entries, how I could set up a collection on them. Maybe even better, making a combination of my diary entries with this place, just making it a backup to my memories, just in case, one day I decide to write.

Jacarandas

There's this street nearby my apartment with a lot of Jacarandas, it is actually one of my favorite places to walk by. Jacarandas are interesting to me, not only because they remind me of Tepoztlan (another favorite place of mine) but because one can not appreciate how beautiful they are until they're in bloom. They can be unnoticeable, like skinny branches with random leaves and then once spring comes they transform into this awesome display of purple. Not that I am trying to make any analogies here, or I guess I could... Whenever I think about the things I really love about LA that has to be one of the most important and memorable, all those streets with Jacarandas on the side. And it is that from time to time I can get obsessed with little things, like the presence of a tree, the amount of light or the bricks of the buildings. Somehow it's the little details that can make me feel more at ease, as if I were home. Which by the way keeps changing a lot these days.
Even though I have a love/hate relationship with changes, I tend to embrace some of them, such as changing places to call home and while doing this I discover little things about my own personality specially when I am alone (completely and utterly alone just like right now).

Entonces es nostalgia?

Porque si no, no entiendo como llamarle a eso que de repente ocurre unos que otros momentos. Y no, no es que quiera revivir algún episodio de esos... Según mi borrador, empece a escribir este post en 2012 y lo había dejado de lado por un buen rato. El punto original era sobre esa linea entre la nostalgia y echar de menos (si es que la hay). Sin embargo, hoy en la mañana tuve uno de esos momentos donde me estaba clavando en pensar sobre las cosas que hubieran sido distintas (no recuerdos, porque no pasaron), las cosas que serian iguales, pero sobre todo pensando en pensar y en como me puedo obsesionar con ciertos pensamientos. De repente sale a la superficie ese resentimiento que le tengo a una persona y que definitivamente no me gusta. 

No quiero tener resentimientos, no me gusta el rencor, ni mucho menos amargarme los días pensando en aquellas circunstancias/personas que no me aportan nada. Afortunadamente, creo que he aprendido mucho, sobre todo de personas que lastime siendo egoísta e hipócrita. Esas personas a las que definitivamente les tengo nostalgia, les tengo recuerdos (nada de escenarios hipotéticos) y que de alguna manera tengo que recordar cada vez que me siento como hoy. 

How often do you practice those things you preach?

Over the last few months I've been obsessed with these words: "kindness, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, peace and love". I heard them during my practice one day when I was particularly extremely sad, and oh man! did they make a difference!
But it all seemed forgotten when I started holding on to this grudge, anger, sadness and bitterness about something that I have no stake at, nor can I do anything to change. So when I woke up this morning, I started thinking about my hypocrisy, how do I even dare to talk to other people about letting it go and love those around you? Well while I do acknowledge that I was wrong, I also noticed remembered that the kindness must be applied to one self too.

soundtrack

The perks (pains) of being (nice) a bitch

I can't even remember what was this about in the first place. Anyways, as I am sitting here in my bedroom thinking it's probably not a good idea to vent about my issues right now, I will just say this, I don't care!
Y'all got issues, don't you? I know we do, I know I do... Yes I might have said too many times how I think I'm doing better and getting over mine. BS! I'm not going anywhere, or maybe it is just one of those times when I'm having a meltdown. I remember how I thought about so many things that would make sense in this post while I was in the shower or just working but somehow I've forgotten most of it. Yeah, try to remember what you thought about last week after a few beers and then you tell me.
And by you, who am I talking to? I know whenever I do something like writing here, my words go somewhere where people are reading and probably thinking what the fuck.
But that doesn't matter because I'm trying to be nice. I came to realize that I am passive aggressive, yeah pretty obvious the title now isn't it? [Lately] I try to be nice when what I really want is to be a bitch, oh no! there are some things that are not really that cool mister, NOT COOL! Do you even know what a feeling is like? My guess is that you don't, if you do, you do (passive aggressive alert), for what I care is that you broke my heart (sort of) and now I just need some time off. In the mean time I'll keep pretending.